Consider a manager who hears, “We often leave meetings unsure what you decided.” Before the employee finishes, the manager lists the agendas, follow-up emails, and extraordinary workload. Every explanation is accurate. The original concern remains unanswered.
Defensiveness can look like a reasonable explanation delivered at the wrong moment. A leader may care deeply and still respond in a way that makes future feedback less likely. Intent matters, but the employee also needs to know whether describing a problem is worth the interpersonal risk.
Edmondson (1999) found an association between team psychological safety and learning behavior. Listening is one place to examine how your own behavior affects the conditions for learning.
Receive before you resolve
Try a short response: “Thank you for telling me. Give me an example so I can understand what happened.” Then listen long enough to hear the actual experience. Avoid searching for a counterexample while the person is still speaking.
- Reflect the concern in concrete language: “You left without a clear owner or deadline.”
- Check your understanding: “Is that the main issue, or am I missing something?”
- Separate what you can verify from what needs investigation.
- Name a next step and a date for returning to the conversation.
Receiving feedback does not require agreeing with every interpretation. You can say, “I understand the impact you are describing. I need to check the timeline before deciding what changed.” Fairness includes listening, verifying, and responding proportionately.
Let the explanation serve the solution
Context becomes useful after you have demonstrated understanding. If staffing shortages contributed to unclear follow-through, explain that constraint and identify what you will change within it. Otherwise, context can sound like a request for the employee to stop noticing the problem.
An effective follow-up might be: “For the next two meetings, I will close with the decision, owner, and deadline on screen. Let us check afterward whether that resolves the confusion.” The measure is whether the employee’s experience changes, not whether your response sounded polished.
If feedback concerns discrimination, harassment, or safety, use the appropriate reporting and investigation process. A listening exercise should never replace required organizational action.
Tellumind’s leadership development and organizational consulting help leaders connect accountability with respectful communication. At your next difficult conversation, notice the explanation forming in your mind. Give the concern a full hearing before giving that explanation the microphone.
References
Edmondson, A. (1999). Psychological safety and learning behavior in work teams. Administrative Science Quarterly, 44(2), 350–383. https://doi.org/10.2307/2666999
Photo: Mapbox / Unsplash.
